okay seriously if you’re in a relationship or even a friendship and you find yourself spending more time crying out of sadness or arguing with them, leave them. i don’t care if they’re a modern day aphrodite/adonis or a gift bestowed upon you by the gods. toxic people are dangerous and i highly advise cutting them out of your life and finding someone who makes you laugh until you snort your drink out your nose instead.
everyone tell me abt ur day. how did your eyeliner go? did u flirt with somebody? drink enough water? make a white man nervous?
i just want to sit on your lap and make out for like eight hours
you think you’re a better kisser than me??? you think you’re a better cuddler? come over here and prove it punk
"[My mom] lives on a Havasu reservation in Arizona with her new husband and three replacement kids. Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine’s Day. And I’m like, “Thanks a heap, Coyote Ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment.”
found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom
Dylan struggling to get his words out.
I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions
So I work at Target, and I had to help this woman carry 20 large bags of cat food into her car. When I asked her how many cats she had, she responded with:
"The first 25 have names, and the rest just come and go."
And then she proceeded to tell me:
"You are such a nice young man. You would make a good cat."
Cat ladies are awesome
What if she’s a witch and takes you and turns you into a cat and she’s been trying to find more people to turn into cats and that’s why she has so many?
me digging your grave
My first time on Tumblr, and this was the first gif. As soon as I saw it I knew I was already in to deep.
One nation, under Canada, above Mexico.
with liberty and justice for some
that’s it that’s the country
*fucks something serious up*
me: shit my bad